; marriage talks

I am a person who thinks highly of marriage. I look upon it as a sacred union between two people that bring about a new set of responsibilities for this life and the next. I have a handful of friends who see little value in marriage. Mostly because they have witnessed too many marriages that have failed to see a purpose in wanting to spend their whole life with a person. With that, they tell others that they would rather be in love with something they can control - something like their career.

What I fail to understand from these people is not why they don't believe in marriages but why they feel that a career could replace a marriage. We can't control anything but our actions. If success is what they deem in a dream job then they should respect that others may deem it in falling in love and having a family.

But that is not all to a marriage. It's not just about finding a person you wish to spend with for the rest of your life. It's about understanding your responsibilities towards this person, sharing your every happiness and grief. When you marry someone, you should understand that you are each other's ticket to Jannah. When a friend asked me "What makes you think he's not going to disappoint you? What makes you think the marriage is going to last? How long will it last? How do we control these things?"

Rasulullah (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam) has said that marriage is a part of his sunnah and those who are not in favour of his sunnah is not part of his ummah. It also a mutual understanding that marriage is half of a person's deen. When you marry someone, you become a garment to one another. You are responsible for each other's dignity. You are responsible for each other's happiness and well-being - in sickness and in health. If you marry someone who doesn't love the One who created you, how do you expect him to love you? If you marry someone who doesn't understand that this marriage he's in, is not just an agreement with you but an agreement with God, how do you expect him to commit? If you marry someone who is not aware that divorce is the most hated "halal" thing in the eyes of Allah swt and who has no fear that perhaps his actions may disappoint Allah swt, then what good is there in marrying him?

Also, Khadijah r.a was one of the most successful businesswoman in Makkah in the time of the Prophet and she was a wife and mother to her beautiful daughters with Rasulullah (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam).

When you do something for Allah swt, how could it possibly go wrong? One should marry not out of lust but out of love in wanting to complete half of his deen.

A'qilah Saiere.

Dear Father,

Sometimes when I think about how much I love my father, it scares me to know how broken I will be should he leave some day. My attachment with my father has grown so much over the years, at times when I don't see him for a couple of nights when he's on night shift, I would literally cry because of how much I miss him. Some nights, I would start thinking about how much he has done for my family and I and I'd start tearing. I couldn't possibly express with the right amount of good words as to how much I love my father.

I had just recovered from a rather awful stomach flu and very high fever. The stress of losing both of my uncle and my grandmother consecutively got to me and I fell rather ill. When I couldn't stop vomiting, I could literally notice the panic and hurt on my father's face. Yet he remained so calm and massaged my neck every time I got up to vomit out my gastric juices. When I was younger and I fell ill, my father would carry me to the doctor until I went into the clinic but now that he's too weak he held my hand throughout the journey. While my mum waited at the clinic to get my medicines, he walked me home and placed me in bed. When I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to vomit, my mum was there to take care of me but he couldn't sleep either so he'd wake up to check if all was going to be fine. The next day as soon as he returned from work, the first thing he did was rush to my room to see if my fever and vomiting had faded. When I had to go through surgery two years ago, he stayed by my side every day till night just to keep me company. Even if it meant that I was asleep. He'd sing to me, feed me and just told me stories.

He knew how much Palestine meant to me so he worked day and night just so he could afford to bring all of us but particularly me to see that beautiful country. When we were in Makkah he told me "The first thing I asked for when I saw the ka'abah was for yours and your brother's children to stand before the house of Allah like how you're doing so today"

He's also a rather funny man. Not mentioning his impeccable taste in art and fashion. He's not dressy on his own but let's just say when I need to choose a matching outfit or hijab, I'd ask him. He picked out this amazing 3abaya when we were in Palestine and insisted that I buy it for 3eid and I must say, my outfit caught the eye of almost every muslimah whose house I've been to.

I can't even begin to speak of how amazing he is as a husband. He comes home at 2 am in the morning and realizes that my mother had left the laundry unfinished. Thinking of how tired she must be, he decided to finish it off for her. He cooks on some weekends, texts my mother on nights he has to work to keep her company, never fails to call during lunch, listens patiently to everything she has to say and is the most loving and caring person we all have ever had in our lives.

Most of all, he is an amazing Imam.

I don't agree with him all the time and inevitably, we get into little arguments but I have never not felt love for him at all. If it's anything I ask for in a man inshaAllah, it is that he has a heart as huge and generous as my father.

Baba, I love you with every inch of my heart and soul.

A'qilah Saiere

February 14th

I know that with the title you are probably anticipating a rather cliché Valentine's Day post from a Muslim shouting how haram it is. See the thing is, one can only go so far. I can list down a billion fatwas and hadiths or even say qur'anic verses that prohibits Muslims to take on the culture of the disbelievers but if your head tells you it's Halal then you will convince your heart to believe so. The rulings and laws will not change with accordance to your opinions nor will they alter with accordance to your beliefs. I must say though that at the end of the day "To you be your way and to me be mine". May Allah accept what is good from me and what is good from you and forgive what is bad from me and what is bad from you.

Nonetheless, I shall use this time to tell you just how much Valentine's Day personally annoys me. I went to a Catholic school for secondary education so as you may have guessed by now, V'day was a HUGE part of the school's tradition. It was very celebrated and at one point, my teacher even gave us a passage on Valentine's day to read for English. There were flowers, personalised cookies and even a song dedication booth. It was sweet but also very pressurizing.

Thing is, why do you have to set aside a day for your seemingly loved ones to send her a flower or buy him chocolates or get each other gifts and spend the day together? Besides even when you do so out of a friendly gesture, sometimes it becomes as though it's a routine and an obligation to get a gift for your friend not really because you want to.

It's not only incredibly haram but cliché and commercialised. Getting gifts for one another is encouraged in Islam so do it any day you want not particularly on a day allocated for a Roman pagan celebration that has no acknowledgement whatsoever in Islam and may you be blessed with ajr for doing so.

Don't just celebrate Valentine's Day, celebrate love every day.

A'qilah Saiere

Shouldn't Muslims respect each other?

With everything that has been happening in my life, I can only thank Allah for the amount of hope and strength He has blessed me with to help me through each day. Not to mention, the amount of positivity He has granted my mind with. Alhamdulillah.

So, I like to believe that with everything seemingly "bad", there is a hikmah behind it. Likewise, with everything that I disagree with, there is something I can learn from. There have been endless squabbles with regards to the deen - over the internet and in real life. Muslims are fighting to prove to one another who's got it right and who's got it wrong, who's a better Muslim and who might just as well be going to hell.

Perhaps, I've mentioned this before but if it is necessary I shall mention it again. Islam will not be altered and will not change with accordance to your whimsical, fanciful opinions. Allah subhanallah ta'ala completed this religion 1,400 years ago. Your arguments and debates with each other are petty, unnecessary and invalid.

Has anyone ever tried to look at the good side of each sect (despite your disagreements with one another), though?

Look at the Shia3s. Look at how much they love the Ahl ul bayt. I think that it is entirely inspiring and beautiful to look at how much they love the household of Rasulullah sallahu 'alayhi wasalam and how they strive to be like 'Ali ibn Talib, Hassan ibn 'Ali, Hussayn ibn 'Ali, Fatimah Az Zahra etc. SubhanaAllah.

Look at the Salafis. Look at how much emphasis they place on straightening their aqeedah and following the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallahu 'alayhi wasalam. Are we trying as hard to follow the Prophet's Sunnah like they are ?

Look at the Sufis. Look at how much of praise they speak of the Prophet sallahu 'alayhi wasalam and Allah subhanallah ta'ala. The amount of zikr they fill their hearts with is moving, subhanaAllah!

I'm not asking you to be a shia3 or a salafi or a sufi if you don't feel that the way they practise Islam is the way you wish to. I'm asking you to RESPECT one another. That is the least you can do to bring the Ummah together - the least you can do to promote unity amongst each other.

A'qilah Saiere

; Fight on

I lost my grandmother about a week ago and ever since, I had been wallowing myself in utter depression. I looked like a morgue everyday and I disgust myself when I think about the amount of time I wasted doing absolutely nothing but engage in thoughts that brought about nothing but disappointment. The amount of negativity I had chosen to fill my heart with was indescribable. Few knew what I was doing to myself but I knew Allah was watching and I knew He knows how much pain I have been in.

After allowing myself to feel awful for an entire week, I decided to slap myself in the face and help myself realise that I wasn't helping anyone and most of all, I wasn't helping myself. Indeed, it's been quite a miserable week for me. How could it not be with the passing of the person that I spent all my childhood with, the news that my only maternal uncle had been diagnosed with cancer and most of all the pain I witness in the eyes of family members?

However, being sad and feeling awful and not doing anything at all, hasn't brought about any change in the situation. So yes, my grandfather had passed away and so did my grandmother but won't we all return to our Lord? So yes, my uncle has been diagnosed with cancer but doesn't it say in the Qur'an that Allah tests who He loves?

I am still standing here, blessed with good health and Iman. What am I doing wallowing myself in self-pity? So I thought perhaps, it's time I put some good use to this pain. I'll fight. I'll fight to excel. I'll leave for Allah to heal my heart and while He takes care of that, I'll work on bettering myself in this dunya (here) for akhirah (hereafter).

To anyone at all that has had tough days and perhaps has been feeling sad or awful,

La tahzan, innallaha ma3ana.

InshaAllah.

A'qilah Saiere.

"You don't wear scarf? Y u so unislamic?"

I think it's insulting and degrading Islamically or not for someone to judge another based on whether or not she has a scarf over her head.

I understand that most sisters have great intentions on encouraging their non-hijabi sisters to take upon the responsiblity that they have all chosen to bring themselves closer to Allah subhanallah ta'ala. What many fail to do is to understand that the hijab is not merely a piece of cloth over your head. It is modesty in an entirety. Just because your hair is covered, it does not mean you have fulfilled the hijab entirely.

The Hijab is a responsibility you take upon that involves not just the covering of your awrah but your akhlak and the purity of your heart and soul. Just because your sister's hair is not covered, it does not in any way give you a right to judge her and label her to be somewhat less Islamic, or say, less practising.

Have you ever thought of the deeds that she may have done and be rewarded for that are not in your book of deeds? Have you ever thought that perhaps, even with her hair uncovered, her akhlak is more exemplary than yours? Have you ever thought that perhaps in the eyes of Allah she is just as modest as you are if not more?

You may be Hijab-ed over your head but are you Hijab-ed in your heart and soul? Are you hijab-ed in your heart and soul the way the sister that you just labeled "Less Muslim" is?

Remember, the disease of pride and arrogance deletes all traces of goodness and piety in a Muslim.

N, the most beautiful girl I have been blessed to be acquainted to, may Allah erase the hurt that these people have caused to your heart. May Allah reward you for the good that you've done and may you forever be modest and beautiful in the eyes of your Lord. <3

A'qilah Saiere

Opportunities and Chances

About two and a half years ago, as I took my first step into college, I signed up for a (rather adequately planned not entirely the best but still mashaAllah) camp. A camp that introduced me to an MSS (Muslim Students' Society) or as some may term it MSA.

I've spent my entire life living around non-Muslims that I felt distant from the Ummah for some reasons. I asked Allah to grant me a platform that will allow for me to reach out to my people, His people, the people of the Prophet (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam).

NPMSS was my granted dua'. Before I knew it, I was actively involved in the society and was even blessed with the opportunity to be a part of it's managing committee. It wasn't entirely rainbows and butterflies but this bittersweet journey has taught me lessons that I could never possibly gain anywhere else.

My nights were filled with meetings after meetings to organize activities for my brothers and sisters, my weekends were filled with camps and halaqahs and rehlahs to discuss the deen and understand it better but the best part of it all are the bus rides home after those meetings, camps, halaqahs, rehlahs - the bus rides that allow me to detach myself away from dunya to submerge in thoughts that allow for my heart to speak to my Lord. Amidst my seemingly busy and hectic lifestyle, this the time I choose to spend to reflect on myself, on the organization and everything else altogether.

The amount of knowledge I've gained, the love I've felt and the people I've met, I couldn't possibly ever ask for more.

NPMSS, I ask Allah to grant you success throughout your future years of operation.

I will miss you with my whole heart but never will I forget you. I will speak of you with pride and happiness and will love you always.

A'qilah Saiere

; Hell-o-ween

I seem to always have something to say when it comes to Halloween every year. One of the many pet peeves I share with many sisters is when Muslims not only acknowledge this holiday but participate and ANTICIPATE attending related events.

I don't understand why some think it's alright to celebrate Halloween but Haram to celebrate Christmas & Valentine's or vice versa. Don't they all fall under the same category?

Halloween is a highly commercialised Pagan holiday called Samhain which is pronounced as "Sow-ween"

I have tried speaking about it to a handful of sisters but most just push it aside and say "We're not celebrating halloween, we're just attending the party" Lol what. When I try to explain to them that acknowledging a celebration that is out of the religion may fall under shirk or haram, they give me the "Are you a fundamentalist?" look.

If there are some of you who mistake for it to be a CULTURAL celebration like Chinese New Year then I'm telling you it's not. If you must know ( I have mentioned this before in my Halloween-related post a year ago), some Christians don't even celebrate halloween for they do not acknowledge for it to be a part of Christianity.

So Muslims, are we saying that this is part of Islam?

A'qilah Saiere

; Just a couple of Issues.

Perhaps I've spoken about this before but I'll speak about it again if it brings any good to anyone. It saddens me to see how brothers and sisters choose to spend their times arguing about rulings trying to prove to one another of who the better Muslim is.

What I don't understand is how these Muslims do not understand that their opinions do not determine how Islam should be. Allah subhanallah ta'ala completed our religion 1400 years ago and ever since, 'ulamas who lived from the time of the golden ages have debated and laid out numerous rulings for people like us to refer to and practise which we are most comfortable in practising. We spend our days debating about what WE think is seemingly right without having to think about the repercussions of our actions.

Change is constant in everything - everything except for Islam. We can debate day in and day out about little things we choose to fuss about and create massive chaos within the ummah but Islam will NEVER change with accordance to our opinions. We will eventually practise the Islam that we feel is right and whatever that Islam may possibly be it shall remain to be (inshaAllah) the religion that Allah subhanallah ta'ala has blessed us with and the one religion that Muhammad (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam) has taught us.

If only we could stop bickering and start to learn to be a servant, we'd all then realise the sweetness of having the shahadah at the tip of our tongues.

Now that I have brought that point across, I just wish to spread the word across to the Singaporeans reading this blog that FMSA (amongst the many other Muslim organizations) is organizing a Qurban programme for those who wish to conduct their sacrifice in the neighbouring SEA countries.

Here's the link for more info - http://www.qurban-fmsa.blogspot.com/

A'qilah Saiere

Why do we reduce our Lord's greatness?

We're all human and we tend to make a thousand mistakes a day. One of the many that we do is one to reduce our Lord's greatness.

Allah has many names to His incredible nature and one that we hear everyday is "Akbar".

He is the greatest.

One that we have at the end of our tongues before we do almost anything is "Ar Rahim".

He is the most MERCIFUL.

I have met so many brothers and sisters that speak about how there is no use in them seeking forgiveness from Allah subhanaAllah ta'ala because of their seemingly mountainous amount of sins. With that, they see no point in standing up in prayer or remembering Him in supplications and move on with their lives to commit the same mistakes/sins over and over again.

But do they not remember that Allah is He who forgives His servants.

On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say:

“Allah the Almighty said:

‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.’”

One of my biggest pet peeves is when Muslims make excuses for their laziness. You are not standing up in prayer not because you see no hope in being granted forgiveness but because you're lazy to spend a couple of minutes five times a day to stand before Allah.

Allah is Akbar, Allah is Ar Rahman and Allah is Ar Rahim -

How dare you reduce His greatness, generosity and mercy with your assumptions of how He wouldn't forgive you?

If you want respect, you earn it. If you want forgiveness, SEEK IT.

A'qilah Saiere