; marriage talks

I am a person who thinks highly of marriage. I look upon it as a sacred union between two people that bring about a new set of responsibilities for this life and the next. I have a handful of friends who see little value in marriage. Mostly because they have witnessed too many marriages that have failed to see a purpose in wanting to spend their whole life with a person. With that, they tell others that they would rather be in love with something they can control - something like their career.

What I fail to understand from these people is not why they don't believe in marriages but why they feel that a career could replace a marriage. We can't control anything but our actions. If success is what they deem in a dream job then they should respect that others may deem it in falling in love and having a family.

But that is not all to a marriage. It's not just about finding a person you wish to spend with for the rest of your life. It's about understanding your responsibilities towards this person, sharing your every happiness and grief. When you marry someone, you should understand that you are each other's ticket to Jannah. When a friend asked me "What makes you think he's not going to disappoint you? What makes you think the marriage is going to last? How long will it last? How do we control these things?"

Rasulullah (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam) has said that marriage is a part of his sunnah and those who are not in favour of his sunnah is not part of his ummah. It also a mutual understanding that marriage is half of a person's deen. When you marry someone, you become a garment to one another. You are responsible for each other's dignity. You are responsible for each other's happiness and well-being - in sickness and in health. If you marry someone who doesn't love the One who created you, how do you expect him to love you? If you marry someone who doesn't understand that this marriage he's in, is not just an agreement with you but an agreement with God, how do you expect him to commit? If you marry someone who is not aware that divorce is the most hated "halal" thing in the eyes of Allah swt and who has no fear that perhaps his actions may disappoint Allah swt, then what good is there in marrying him?

Also, Khadijah r.a was one of the most successful businesswoman in Makkah in the time of the Prophet and she was a wife and mother to her beautiful daughters with Rasulullah (sallahu 'alayhi wasalam).

When you do something for Allah swt, how could it possibly go wrong? One should marry not out of lust but out of love in wanting to complete half of his deen.

A'qilah Saiere.

Dear Father,

Sometimes when I think about how much I love my father, it scares me to know how broken I will be should he leave some day. My attachment with my father has grown so much over the years, at times when I don't see him for a couple of nights when he's on night shift, I would literally cry because of how much I miss him. Some nights, I would start thinking about how much he has done for my family and I and I'd start tearing. I couldn't possibly express with the right amount of good words as to how much I love my father.

I had just recovered from a rather awful stomach flu and very high fever. The stress of losing both of my uncle and my grandmother consecutively got to me and I fell rather ill. When I couldn't stop vomiting, I could literally notice the panic and hurt on my father's face. Yet he remained so calm and massaged my neck every time I got up to vomit out my gastric juices. When I was younger and I fell ill, my father would carry me to the doctor until I went into the clinic but now that he's too weak he held my hand throughout the journey. While my mum waited at the clinic to get my medicines, he walked me home and placed me in bed. When I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to vomit, my mum was there to take care of me but he couldn't sleep either so he'd wake up to check if all was going to be fine. The next day as soon as he returned from work, the first thing he did was rush to my room to see if my fever and vomiting had faded. When I had to go through surgery two years ago, he stayed by my side every day till night just to keep me company. Even if it meant that I was asleep. He'd sing to me, feed me and just told me stories.

He knew how much Palestine meant to me so he worked day and night just so he could afford to bring all of us but particularly me to see that beautiful country. When we were in Makkah he told me "The first thing I asked for when I saw the ka'abah was for yours and your brother's children to stand before the house of Allah like how you're doing so today"

He's also a rather funny man. Not mentioning his impeccable taste in art and fashion. He's not dressy on his own but let's just say when I need to choose a matching outfit or hijab, I'd ask him. He picked out this amazing 3abaya when we were in Palestine and insisted that I buy it for 3eid and I must say, my outfit caught the eye of almost every muslimah whose house I've been to.

I can't even begin to speak of how amazing he is as a husband. He comes home at 2 am in the morning and realizes that my mother had left the laundry unfinished. Thinking of how tired she must be, he decided to finish it off for her. He cooks on some weekends, texts my mother on nights he has to work to keep her company, never fails to call during lunch, listens patiently to everything she has to say and is the most loving and caring person we all have ever had in our lives.

Most of all, he is an amazing Imam.

I don't agree with him all the time and inevitably, we get into little arguments but I have never not felt love for him at all. If it's anything I ask for in a man inshaAllah, it is that he has a heart as huge and generous as my father.

Baba, I love you with every inch of my heart and soul.

A'qilah Saiere

February 14th

I know that with the title you are probably anticipating a rather cliché Valentine's Day post from a Muslim shouting how haram it is. See the thing is, one can only go so far. I can list down a billion fatwas and hadiths or even say qur'anic verses that prohibits Muslims to take on the culture of the disbelievers but if your head tells you it's Halal then you will convince your heart to believe so. The rulings and laws will not change with accordance to your opinions nor will they alter with accordance to your beliefs. I must say though that at the end of the day "To you be your way and to me be mine". May Allah accept what is good from me and what is good from you and forgive what is bad from me and what is bad from you.

Nonetheless, I shall use this time to tell you just how much Valentine's Day personally annoys me. I went to a Catholic school for secondary education so as you may have guessed by now, V'day was a HUGE part of the school's tradition. It was very celebrated and at one point, my teacher even gave us a passage on Valentine's day to read for English. There were flowers, personalised cookies and even a song dedication booth. It was sweet but also very pressurizing.

Thing is, why do you have to set aside a day for your seemingly loved ones to send her a flower or buy him chocolates or get each other gifts and spend the day together? Besides even when you do so out of a friendly gesture, sometimes it becomes as though it's a routine and an obligation to get a gift for your friend not really because you want to.

It's not only incredibly haram but cliché and commercialised. Getting gifts for one another is encouraged in Islam so do it any day you want not particularly on a day allocated for a Roman pagan celebration that has no acknowledgement whatsoever in Islam and may you be blessed with ajr for doing so.

Don't just celebrate Valentine's Day, celebrate love every day.

A'qilah Saiere